Courtesy, a Lost Art

When it comes to communication, when someone says something to you, it typically means that you should respond. If they say hi, you should at least respond with hi, at the most maybe you should ask "How are you doing?" Lately, that isn't happening as often. More and more these days, I ask a question or say a greeting and people ignore me. Now, I can somewhat forgive them for this infraction considering more often than not they barely know me, maybe just by name. But, in my book it is a common courtesy to respond. Lately though it has gotten worse. It used to be that if you contacted a person by letter or phone and said "Write/phone me back" they would respond in turn. Writing has since been transmuted into emailing and with that transition the expectation of a responding email has diminished. With the ability to mass write people, I understand that lack of response. In my mind though, I still expected people to respond to phone calls. You know the individual, so they shouldn't be ignoring you. It is an personal act towards a solitary person, not like just a quick email sent to a random list of individuals. And yet, I have come to the realization recently that phone calls have gone the way of the email. Forgotten. Ignored. What is the point in an answering machine if you are not going to respond to the messages left there? This past week I have been trying to get a hold of the same 10 girls. I have emailed them all once and phoned each of them at least 3 times. None of them have yet to return my calls even when I explicitly tell them to. I even give them my sacred cell phone number and tell them that ANYTIME at all will work, just PHONE! But sadly there is some undeclared and yet valid expression in the world these days that says "if (person == bandjam) then ignore;" So what is going to replace phone calls? There has to be some form of "reliable" communication between individuals. Doesn't there?

Another courtesy lost in today's society is regards doing one's duties/responsibilities when you say that you will. Now, I understand that things come up and you can't do "such and such," but considering people are depending on you to do it, isn't it at least common courtesy to inform them in advance that you can't. It seems very logical to me. If you can't do it this time then your "leader" can parcel out your responsibilities to others this time, which you can then reciprocate their kindness by picking up their slack when they get busy next time. Or if you just can't take it anymore, you tell them so that they can find a permanent replacement. This seems so trivial to me, and yet for some odd reason it is apparently impossible for some individuals to do. I am a "leader" of such a "committee." Every month each committee member has a set of things to do and then they need to report everything to me, which I then composite, do other things with and then report to my supervisor. Simple, right? WRONG! Example: One committee member disappeared off the map three months ago. Refused to respond to phone calls or emails. I personally had to do all her duties the day the reports were due each of those months. We finally decided that she is not going to come back and so we replaced her. Once that act is accomplished though, she then comes storming back and throwing a fit that we replaced her. I would have been understanding of her situation if she had returned our calls/emails, or if she had told us things in advance, or if she had found a substitute. But, she hadn't done any of those things. She just up and quit and got mad when we fired her. Another member of the committee seems to be heading the same way. I saw her today and asked her how everything was going cause my communications to her have not been responded to. She does tell me that she can't do it for "this month" (which really means last month), but once again the report is due tomorrow which means I have to pick up her slack. I don't know whether to count these acts as lack of responsibility or lack of courtesy. I would be PERFECTLY HAPPY to take over their duties. SHEESH! I hate delegating anyways, the only reason I do it is because it is required of me. So, why can't these girls be courteous enough to contact me BEFORE the due date and ask for help. I would have a lot more respect for them then rather than when they ignore me and not do anything at all.

Courtesy, Honesty, Responsibility, Integrity, Respect, Fairness. These values and more are lost in today's culture. Why are they lost? Will we ever get them back? CAN we get them back? How are those of us who still believe and live by these principles supposed to work with those who don't? Is our world basically turning into a (and I hate cliches, but...) "dog eats dog" world or an "every man for himself" one?