Random Train of Thoughts

It is interesting how much your life changes when you move somewhere different. If you are lucky you will have family or friends that live near your new home and thus you won't have to completely start fresh with your social network. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen often. In our church at home I remember a family that moved in and stayed a few years. From talking to them I found out that they moved around a lot from state to state. I could never have imagined doing that. Completely uprooting your life, saying goodbye to everyone you know, traveling to an unknown area and then replanting yourself and trying to socialize with the new people. It is a scary proposition for anyone. Especially if you don't know anyone there and you know you really don't fit in.

In my life I have had two major moves. The first time was going out to college in Utah. This move did not cause me much grief because I never really enjoyed high school and didn't have that many friends in my hometown. My only concern with that move was the lack of immediate family in the vicinity of my new home. Even then, my new home was really close to an extended family that I had never gotten to know when growing up. So with the help of my relatives and through the diligence of a few exceptional people I met at college, I slowly learned to make new friendships which I maintained throughout my college years. These people were one of a kind and I got to really depend on them in my life. Having experienced good friendships such as these, I was kind of nervous when I graduated from college and had to leave for a completely new area to start my career. I had interned in this new area for a summer, but most of the acquaintances I had during that time were fellow interns and pest control people who were not returning at a later date. I currently have no family in the area either, which means I am utterly on m own.

I know that now I need to make new friends in this area on my own, but my natural inclination is to be a loner. In college I didn't search out my friends. They were either initially forced on me (roommates :-) or they wanted to be MY friend and thus worked hard to get me to accept and trust them. Thus, this is a whole new experience for me. To make it harder, I got used to the college atmosphere (especially at BYU) where you can go next door and have an instant friend who has a lot of the same standards and tastes as you and is near the same age. In Houston, the local singles ward is spread out over most of the city so if you are looking for a church friend to hang out with you have to take in travel time and traffic. Also, at college I fit in with most crowds towards the end because one I was one of the older crew and 2) I acted so much like a child that I was able to get along with the younger crew. Here though, most of the singles are working and have been for many years. I am now one of the younger people in the ward and it doesn't help that I tend to act very childlike. Making friends here will be a very difficult task for me, but considering this is hopefully where I will stay and work for many years, it is a much needed task to accomplish.

So, with that in mind I tried to strike up conversations with people at church. Wow, that was a big failure. Once you get past your name, age, and what you are doing in Houston, there really isn't that much to talk about. At BYU it was easier because you could then talk about classes, devotional, teachers, mock the local dating scene, etc. Here, I am kind of out of my element because I don't know anything about the area really, and I have been a student for to many years to think of what normal people would talk about. What do normal people talk about? Pondering that, I realized why gossip tends to be brought to the forefront. I never understood when growing up why they always were talking on how gossip was bad and we shouldn't do it. In my mind, there was no reason to do it then because we had more important things to talk about or do. Now though, the only connection I have with anyone in my ward as of now is that I know a few people that they know, thus gossip is formed. Amazing. Also, this also explains why cliques are formed. You have a group of people who have all had the same experiences and put them together in a room. Naturally, they are going to talk about those shared experiences either in a reminiscing way or further knowledge has developed. Thus when a new person tries to enter into the conversation, it is fare thee well impossible because they don't have those similar experiences and don't know those people, thus they are typically left out. It makes so much sense coming from the point of view of the new person. I seriously hope that I was never like the cliquish groups, but I know that once you get me and my close friends, or me and my roommates together, a new person would never be able to get a word in edgewise. I really need to be more aware of when I do that.

Another interesting thought that pertains to trying to make new friends is the idea of a facade. I have the tendency of showing exactly who I am and getting really ticked at those who present facades of themselves to the world. Unfortunately, facades allow you to adjust to any sort of environment thus it seems you get along with everyone. Myself on the other hand shows everyone exactly who I am and thus if you don't like it, then tough, because I am not going to change my ways to better suite you. This thought comes from me describing myself as childlike. I like how I can get excited over the simplest of things, and that I love to run and play outdoors, and play games, etc. Unfortunately, by being childlike I am alienating myself from the general population of the singles ward down here who are all "professional, mature adults" who are trying to enhance their careers and prove to the world that they are adults. So, when I go to ward activities and I do something childlike, most people generally give me a weird look that implies that if they associate with me it would be detrimental to their facade of mature adult that they are portraying to the world. I wonder how many adults in the world want to act like a kid and go jump in a pile of leaves, but don't because it isn't 'practical' or that would endanger there front of mature adult. I pity them. They should let themselves enjoy life, otherwise what is the purpose of living. I remember when I first started my internship. I was so excited and happy and I let it show through to the outside world. I was constantly smiling and laughing while at work which you could tell surprised a lot of people the first week or so. Then they got used to the fact that that was who I was. They also slowly got used to the fact that more often then not, if I was just standing around, I wouldn't be able to stand still for long, and I would start to do a little dance. Slowly as work progressed I noticed that most of the somber faces were disappearing and that people would start to laugh and smile with me (albeit, nobody started to dance :-) It is amazing how one person can affect the entire group.

Another thing that I've noticed about leaving an area entirely is that you have to make a decision whether or not to stay in contact with your friends you made while being there. On a more realistic (but also pessimistic perspective) you are never really going to see these people again, your lives are completely diverging, do you really have time and diligence to stay in contact with you? Sadly enough, no matter how much you tell everyone you will stay in contact, there will come a time where you stop trying and everyone moves on with life. When should that point come? Or should it come at all?